After I had a dream the other night that Bret Michaels (who’s from PA) was helping me shop for shoes, I realized my subconscious was already in Pennsylvania–shopping for men.
So, I started thinking about all of the good lookin’ mens from Philly. And Daryl Hall was at the top of my list. I’ve had a mega-crush on him since I was about 9 years old. I own the 45 records of “Maneater,” and “Kiss On My List.” He is–in a word–perfection. And when he smiles, his nose does this really cute thing that reminds me of Linus.
But I did NOT know that he’s Mr. Rich Media Savvy, hosting his own regular web show full of cool guest musicians. Check out this video of him dueting with KT Tunstall!
Below is an extended list of Fabulous Pennsylvania Men: (I almost left Joan Jett on the list even though she’s not a man simply because of her Jedi-level coolness…)
love, stevie
Tags: Heroes · He's Delicious · 14 Forever
Isn’t it sad that I can turn “waiting for the washer/dryer rental company to pick up my machines” into a vacation, simply because I get to miss a few hours of work? They’re supposed to arrive between “8 and 2″ so I have to go clean-up a bit in case they’re early. But yes–I could miss up to 6 hours of work!!! The downside is that after they leave, I’ll no longer be able to wash clothes in my own home (until Philly).
Suffice to say, I’ve washed everything I own. Twice.
I grew up in Baltimore in a lower middle class area where my mom & I schlepped to the laundromat every weekend. All I remember about it was that my mom bribed me to come (I was 8, so I really had no choice; she just let me think I did). She bribed me with grape Nehi and a new pack of KISS or Charlie’s Angels bubble gum cards. Remember the kind that formed a giant puzzle on the back?
I swear to God, to this day I can smell that stiff sheet of powdery gum they put in the packets. One of my dictionaries smells just like it!
I’d hang out in the alley behind the laundromat with my mom, talking about Ace or Sabrina and we’d have fun waiting for the clothes to dry.
My mom was a great mom. She still is. She’s calling me every day to ask how she can help with the move (besides riding with me for 3 days and surviving a screaming cat). She’s making trips to Target and PetSmart for me. Arranging our reservations at pet-friendly hotels along the way. Mapping alternate routes in case hurricanes (don’t EVEN SAY IT OR IT WILL HAPPEN) obliterate I-95. She’s generally keeping me sane.
Once we get to the new place, there’s a chance my furniture won’t arrive for up to 1-5 days later.
I will, however, have a washer & dryer inside my new apartment. Which means my mom and I will likely do laundry in a weird, empty apartment with no TV, radio, bed or sofa.
Man, I wish they still sold grape Nehi.
love, stevie
Tags: Hold My Hair I'm Gonna Hurl
Sorry for the big-ass ramble yesterday. I’m never good at “to make a long story short.” Anytime you hear (or read) me say that, go make a sandwich. By the time you stuff the last corner into your gullet, I’ll still be at “So, here goes…”
As of this afternoon, I should have a hold on 2 apartments. I’m faxing the application for the “backup” today. They’re both near one another. In a nice-sounding suburb 20 minutes from the new job. I must’ve called or emailed 10 places yesterday.
Couldn’t get movers on the phone yesterday. Only voice mail.
It looks like the plan is to leave July 29th. Yes. July 29th. This is so we can try to make it to the new area by the night of July 31st (vets recommend cats not waiting longer than 8 hours between good long breaks). Goal is to move into new place (wherever that may be) morning of Aug. 1st. Last time I moved with Malcolm (before Linus was adopted), when I arrived at my new “secured” place in Bradenton (after 3 hours of Malcolm’s “YYYYEEEEEEEOOOWWW” in the car)–the office bimbos said “Oh, we forgot–you still need 2 more money orders from your bank for this & that deposit before we can give you the keys!”
So Malcolm and I went to Bank of America.
I stood in line holding him in his carrier as people oooed and aaahhhed and asked “what is it?” He weighs 18 pounds.
I’m not doing that again. This time cats and parents wait in hotel.
Today is “clean and pack bathroom & kitchen day.” The day in which you throw out all the misshapen lipstick nubs, 3/4 empty shampoo bottles, stray cotton balls covered in lint, and Healthy Choice frozen dinners you bought in 2006 because you were momentarily inspired to eat broccoli.
Man, I gotta lotta crap…
love, stevie
Tags: Hold My Hair I'm Gonna Hurl · What A Good Day · I Have 2 Cats
I’m moving to Philadelphia in 2 weeks!
It’s a long story I’ll make semi-shorter for anyone who doesn’t already know: I got a new job at a bigger, (seemingly) much better company. It’s another copy-writing job which is great because I didn’t want to fall back on the layout & design to find a job. I’d much rather continue getting paid to write all day.
The new job will be writing about clothes–even better! No more ticky-tacky white trash knick knacks. Although, I’m sure some of the clothes will be hideous, too.
Yet, in the current dreadful U.S. economy, I think people are more likely to spend $100 on affordable clothes than $70 on a set of Wizard Of Oz figurines or $800 on a Coca-Cola soda can refrigerator. Just my crazy opinion.
The only bad part is the time frame: They want me to start Monday, August 4th!!! I only found out the job was absolutely-officially mine this past Monday, July 14th!
The HR person I’ve been dealing with has been unbelievably nice (so far), and she said they understand it’s a huge move & might take longer. Their “goal” is Aug. 4th, but if it has to be Aug. 11th, that’s ok, too. Have you ever tried to find a 1B/1B apt. over the phone or internet in a city you’ve never been to that takes pets and offers short-term leases in case you hate it when you get there that costs less than $1000 a month that’s ready to move into in 2 weeks?
Yeah. It’s GREAT!
The new company is sending me a big fat check to help with the relocation, which is fantastic–but the logistics are seriously freaking me out!
My current boss has been unusually nice this past week & let me take Thur off to call apartments. I found one that sounds good & have already put a hold on it & overnighted my application, but they said it might take until “next Wednesday” to find out if I’m “approved!!!!!!!” They have to run my credit check (which should be fine, I just checked it myself), my “criminal background check” (hope they don’t find out about that man in Reno…) and rental history check (also fine).
The problem is, I also have to hire movers. And I can’t tell movers when to pick up my stuff until I know exactly what day I can move-in.
AAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yeah, and since I just found out THIS WEEK, I still have to give notice at my current apt. Luckily, I’ve been month-to-month here for a year so no lease to break. But they require 30 days notice & I’m only giving 2 weeks. I get to go deal with that in an hour or so. Wish me luck!
I’m terrified. I won’t know anyone in the entire state of Pennsylvania!
I will, however, know people in NY (a good friend in Brooklyn) and my grandmother and some super cool peeps I know live in Maryland 
And my aunt, uncle & 2 cousins (who I love dearly) all live in northern Virginia near D.C.
But, still…
Oh, and here’s the best part: I thought of hiring a pet transport service to drive Mal & Linus due to their car screaming–but you need 30 days notice for all of those companies. So, since I’ll need my car and can’t risk having it shipped & not arriving on time, it looks like MY MOM AND I WILL BE DRIVING–WITH THE CATS–ALL THE WAY TO PENNSYLVANIA! Hello, Lucy & Ethel!
I just bought two $60 Sherpa fleece-lined, mesh-ventilated travel carriers for them plus teeny water bowls and “puppy training pads” to duct tape around the bottoms of each one in case they have “accidents.” We’re gonna stop twice along the way at pet-friendly hotels for litter box breaks, sleep, food & because 8 hours of cats saying “YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOWWWWWWWWW!” will be more than my nerves can withstand.
Oh, I tried sedatives from my vet. Twice. They did nothing.
We’ll manage. My mom’s gonna hold Malcolm (in carrier) on her lap & pet him to try and keep him calm. It won’t work. I guarantee you.
Oh, and I tried letting them roam free in the car. Screaming is way worse and they curl up behind the gas & brake pedals.
I’m off to try to put holds on 1 or 2 more apts in case this first one falls through at the last minute. Then, hire movers over the phone, type & print out my notice to vacate this current place, start packing and filling 27 Hefty bags to take to Goodwill & dumpster…and generally whip this place into an organized succession of boxes and bags.
Then, I have one more week at my current job (I had to give them 2 weeks notice) and certain high-ups are “punishing me” by treating me like Osama Bin Laden and piling on way more work than I’d ordinarily do in 4 weeks. AND–it’s 5 days I can’t use to pack or make important phone calls.
Every 10 minutes I feel like I’m going to vomit from the stress and fear. Am I doing the right thing? Will I find a place to live in time? Will the new job be better (it’s way more money and the company is about 8x as big with opportunities for promotion)? Will I like the area? It’s NE of Philly, in the suburbs. Will I survive driving in snow this winter? I’ve never driven in snow. Will I make friends at my new job? Will my new boss be nice (she seemed really nice during my interview)? Did I buy enough packing tape?
It’s 11oo miles away. 1770 km for my fabulous British & Australian friends.
I may not write for a bit as I’ll be LOSING MY FUCKING MIND.
So forgive me.
I’m off…to call about “backup” apartments. This is me–with my hand over my mouth as I feel another wave of puke coming on–signing off for now.
I’ll keep you posted!
love, stevie
Tags: Uncategorized
Did anybody besides me watch the premiere of HBO’s new mini series, Generation Kill, last night?
Holy mother!
Being the doofus I am, I thought it was an actual documentary when I saw fleeting blips of the commercials, but it’s not. It looks to be a Band Of Brothers for Iraq. I got suckered into Band Of Brothers unexpectedly and I’m fully anticipating another Sunday night obsession with this 7-part corker.
It’s by the same folks who brought us The Wire (which, no….I’m sad to say I still haven’t properly viewed; only 25 minutes here & there).
I’m so glad I upped my insurmountable debt by getting HBO in time for John Adams. A life of bad credit will be a paltry price to pay for great melodrama!
Speaking of melodrama, over the weekend I finally watched The Kite Runner (I give 7/10; the actor playing Amir as an adult was horrible) and Grace Is Gone (7/10; bad directing; I never fully believed Cusack in this role. I just felt like I was watching an acting class & it pains me to say this because I really wanted to love it and you know how much I love him).
Just my (sorry, static) opinions. But what do I know? I actually bought the DVD of Without A Paddle!
(I freakin’ love that movie and I don’t even smoke dope).
love, stevie
Tags: What A Good Day
Sorry for the Debbie Downer yesterday. I don’t even know where that came from? As a peace offering, I give you yet another You Tube nugget.
Yesterday I had to write about a set of vinyl McDonaldland dolls we’re gonna be selling in September and, after Wikipedia-ing and remembering the “thick volcano shakes” and “Filet O’ Fish lake” of my youth I’m not only obsessed with snagging myself the free Grimace doll sample if/when it comes in–but am pretty much obsessed with 1970’s kids commercials.
Just remember..this breakfast will kill you! Dig in!
love, stevie
more about “McDonalds Breakfeast in the 1970s #3“, posted with vodpod
Tags: What A Good Day · My Barbie Dream House · 14 Forever
Through the wonders of Classmates I got back in touch with another old high school buddy. A really nice guy who endured my endless animated spazzes over 3 of his best friends (what can I say? he had cute friends!). One of those friends later died at a very young age in a car crash. I’ll never forget finding out.
I was sitting on the couch at my then-boyfriend’s house. Scratch that–his parents’ house (the guy was 28).
My boyfriend was watching some sporting event with his younger, balder and more Neanderthal brother (25) as I skimmed the local newspaper. For some bizarre reason, I leafed over to the obituary section (which I never ordinarily did) and there was the name–in bold print, jumping off the page. Twenty eight years old. Dead.
I remember getting up and walking out of the house to my car. My boyfriend saying “What’s the big deal? You hadn’t seen him since high school, right?” Ignoring him. Driving home. And sobbing
Getting back in touch with my high school friend was great. I got to see a photo of him with his wife on an Alaskan cruise. He looks exactly the same, save maybe a tiny bit fuller face (like I should talk). He looks happy. Content. Like he found a good cozy spot in life. I envy him.The one who died in the car crash was this beautiful, ethereal creature from upstate New York. He loved Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix and the first time he appeared–as the new guy–at my high school, I was late for class. Scurrying outside to get to my building, I saw this elf wandering by the school’s massive water fountain. He wasn’t wearing shoes. As I came closer he smiled at me and suddenly jumped up onto the rim of the fountain–bare footed–and broke into “For Your Love” by The Yardbirds.
It was 1987.
He sang me almost the whole song and I got in big trouble for being late to class.
But it was worth it. I later threw myself into a MASSIVE Jim M0rrison phase to impress him (I still have the poetry books).
Classmates doesn’t tell you you’re gonna remember that shit.
love, stevie
Tags: 14 Forever
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results.
I rejoined eHarmony Saturday. They got me with the spam (ow! spam hurts!).
Anyway, 48 hours later and–per the usual–it’s all bald military guys who read John Grisham and doughy guys in Polo shirts who talk about their mothers (and the lovely motels they run right off the interstate…). I even excluded all the southern states this time. As Rhoda would say: Oh well, at least I’m getting a better class of losers
I gave up on Dutch Boy. I just can’t do endless chit-chat. And that’s all he wanted–boring, vapid chit-chat. With things like “sweet kisses from me xoxoxoxo” thrown in.
My keyboard felt dirty. How can you toss hugs and kisses around to someone you don’t even know? Who could look nothing like their photo?
Aaaaaah! I get it! It’s all pretend!
I’m angry and I have to go back to work.
Oh, and over the weekend I found out about 5 separate adulterous inter-office affairs that recently transpired. There are only 100 people in the entire company!!!
Can you say “INCEST???!!!”
Two involving someone I occasionally bumped into, who apparently wasn’t above sleeping with a married co-worker while she, herself, was involved with someone else.
I think I’ll be careful. I might get pregnant just sitting down in the lunchroom!
Paging Mr. Springer! Mr. Springer…?
love, stevie
Tags: Wow My Life Is Sexy
It’s a crying shame about Assface In Seattle because I really am cut out for Pacific Northwest doom & gloom.
And when I stay inside with the A/C cranked down to 72 (my usual setting), I can watch the lush leafy trees outside my kitchen window sway in the tropical downpour and pretend I’m in Vancouver! Or Glasgow! I seriously think there may be some morbid latent gothism in me because the minute the sky darkens and hairy bloated clouds swoop in, I feel like everything bad disappears.
I love the smell right before it rains. I love the smell as it’s raining. Twigs and wet grass and car exhaust steaming off the slick asphalt. I love watching the water hit the ground. Puddles–how great are puddles? When I was in the 4th grade my best friend was a classmate named Sundance.
Yes, to those who know my real name–imagine if we’d gotten married? I think even at the naive age of 11 I knew that a union of two such ridiculously hippy-dippy names would tear a violent hole in the universe, so we remained buddies.
Buddies who used to hike up our Toughskins, wade through muddy pools and catch baby frogs. We held them in our tiny hands and then let them go. It was thrilling!
Earlier today it was booming and crackling. Luckily, unlike my dad’s dog who truly has a horrific fear of thunder, Mal & Linus could not care less. It’s almost like they absorb my euphoria and curl up for a yawny nap. So there we were, in my bed with Downy-fresh fleece. Linus on his special Linus Pillow beside me. Mal sacked-out on his side like a watermelon wrapped in somebody’s winter coat.
I absent-mindedly leafed through a Vogue someone loaned me. In general I veto all fashion magazines entering my home. But I was curious to read Gwyneth’s workout routine (1 to 2 hours a day if she eats things she likes; after all, she’s up to a size 6 now after kids. What a fat pig).
I brought home a good 6-8 hours of work to catch up on this weekend It’s now 8:27 pm and I haven’t touched any of it.
And I’m not going to. I can race through it tomorrow & no one will ever know.
The pounding rain, scented perfume ads, and snoozing cats were an escape I needed. Now it’s twilight–my favorite time of day. Time to catch fireflies. The only thing that could make this better is if I had a box set of The Bionic Woman and a Swanson TV dinner with a chocolate cake square!
“Have You Seen Her?” by The Chi-Lites is playing. Another ’70s summer song. My dad used to sing along to it in the car. I’m going to pretend I don’t have to go back to The Bad Place tomorrow.
love, stevie
Tags: What A Good Day
What will I do this 3-day weekend?
Well, in about an hour & a half I have to meet my friend PW for lunch and a movie (Wanted, because she’s obsessed with James McAvoy.) I say “have to” because I’d rather stay home in my cutoff sweat pant-shorts and t-shirt, farting around on the computer and sleeping. I’ve been sleeping A LOT lately. I like PW, but some days I just don’t feel like leaving the house. Dana Carvey refers to this as “a case of The Fuck Its.” As he puts it, those days when you wake up planning to work out & get back into a healthy diet regime, but “by noon you’re drinking a Heineken and eating a cupcake.”
I lie in bed thinking of great plans. Plans that could change my life. Plans you only think about while wide-awake at midnight, watching The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air on Nickelodeon.
Here are some of the plans I think about and would do…if I wasn’t suffering from an extended bout of The Fuck Its:
- Joining a gym (again) and working out for 90 minutes every night after work to create an incredible physique
- Volunteering at an animal shelter on weekends
- Donating to WWF to help save the polar bears (those commercials make me cry every time)
- Or, just going to the WWF web site & buying a cute t-shirt
- Writing a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel
- Devoting the rest of my life to helping third world countries
- Reading all classic literature I’ve never read so as to appear smarter
- Cleaning the grout out of my shower
- Forgoing all luxury purchases until I pay off my VISA card
- Playing more with the cats (impossible; Malcolm just steals Linus’ toys and hides them under his stomach)
- Scouring online dating sites until I find someone my age who is single & doesn’t look like a serial killer (statistically impossible)
- Taking long walks outside before or after work (too hot & muggy, even at 6 am)
- Buying an AbLounger
- Joining a gym (oh wait–we’re back to the beginning)
Yet, every night at around 7pm, after I’ve made dinner and cleaned up the apartment a bit, all I want to do is curl up in bed and go to sleep.
I think I’ve lost the will to wake up.
My dream life is so much better. Lots of steamy celebrity dreams lately. Last night I had Adrian Smith and Jim from The Office (not at once; that would be awkward).
Now, I must get ready for my afternoon obligation. At least I’ll be home by 6pm. I’ve already set up the pillows & blankie on my couch…
love, stevie
Tags: Wow My Life Is Sexy
